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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Unhappy.

Well mom's lightly allergic to the cats. She had the blood work done today, and they have to go.

I spent a while thinking on it, very upset that smokey had to go, and thinking about how he would do... He's a very skiddish cat, and I'm worried for him.

I thought about other solutions, like having someone else look after the cats until I move into an apartment that allows them when I move to start college. But I had to look further than that before I realized, this had to happen.
Remember Japan? Yea, I'm moving there in about 3-3.5 years. I had thought about taking smokey with me a few weeks ago when I zoned off one class. There was no way I was going to put my poor skiddish cat through the torture of flying to the other side of the planet, in a tiny kennel, while being handled no better than any other luggage. It would be too much on my conscience to know that my cat was below my feet, scared as hell, cooped up with no breathing room in a kennel. No fucking way.
After remembering that train of thought, I realized, if I don't part with him now, because mom cant keep him, I would have to part with him when I left for Tokyo anyway! And it would be worse then. I have only been attached to this cat for 8 months right now. Sure, I raised him from a kitten, I still wish he was tiny enough to sleep in the palm of my hand like he could when we first got him, but if I were attached to him for 4 years, and then had to part with him, I wouldn't be able to do it. I would call off moving just because of my cat.

And so, I don't know when exactly they will be going to the SPCA, but I'll be trying to make it be after exams. Just to have a little longer with my cat, a little longer for me to convince myself he'll be ok. I will be trying to set up a system with the SPCA though so that I get informed when he gets adopted again, not who adopted him, or anything specific. Just when it happens, I want to know. Or, if he doesn't get adopted, I want to know if/when they have him listed as to be put down if not adopted in X days, at that point I'll be going nuts to make sure he gets adopted. Wasting every resource I can just to keep that cat alive, and get him into a family that will at least provide him a life he can be happy (for a cat) in, I don't care if he's pampered to no end, just that he's happy for a cat, that is if he has the food he needs, a place to crap, and a warm bed he can waste his life away in, as any cat does, and attention when he wants it. That's all. If I know he wasn't put down, I'll be fine. But if I hear absolutely nothing I'll go off my head.

Bandit I still care about too, I'm just not attached to him the same. I don't want him put down either, however I am not so desperate to find a home. I think its because he's a lot cuter than smokey, being a long haird cat that's very sociable, so I think he'll be adopted just fine. Smokey probably will be too, I just cant stand the notion of the possibility.

Well, all will be well in the end, I just don't know what I'm going to do for the next 3 years. I have always been a cat lover, and I will be getting a cat as soon as I can in Tokyo, but I cant get a cat for the next 3 years, or keep one I have, its too much to loose them. I've lost too many cats in my life, I cant be separated from one by choice. Well, we'll see what happens, I have this blog don't I? I'll find something to put my attention into.

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